My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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