The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
