she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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