so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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