She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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