No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
