I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
