worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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