Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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