I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
