hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
