Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
