a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
