i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
