So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
