I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
