Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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