That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize