Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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