Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
