After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
