I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
