ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
