i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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