so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
