why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
