does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
