Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
