Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
