there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
