you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i've created a new STD.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
