But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
