When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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