you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
