I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
