im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
