I think I died a long time ago.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
