how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to make out with him forever
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
