If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
