drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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