so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
