So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
