She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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