Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
