the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish you could order shots online.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
