And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
