Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
