God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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