I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
