i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
